Although considered less of a taboo, self-pleasure is still a touchy subject (pun intended).
According to the results of a survey conducted by AsapScience in 2015, 72 percent of women have masturbated in their lifetime. Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love and author of Sex That Works, says that masturbation is widely considered the “cornerstone of sexuality,” and as research shows, the reputation clearly stands. Solo sex is an opportunity to explore the body we’ve been given, to identify what makes us tick, and because knowledge is power, it can also amplify our experience with a partner.
The more, the better. Women can masturbate as often as they want without any real health risks, and there are many physical and mental benefits of masturbation in addition to the simple pleasure of doing it.
How often should you masturbate?
The more, the better. Women can masturbate as often as they want without any real health risks, and there are many physical and mental benefits of masturbation in addition to the simple pleasure of doing it.
If your current regimen feels good to you, keep at it. It’s also not necessary to masturbate if it’s not pleasurable to you or if you only feel like it every once in a while.
The numbers vary, but in general, regular masturbation among women is common:
- 41% of women have masturbated in the past month (compared to 64% of men), according to a 2017 study (1).
- Women masturbate about eight times a month on average, according to a 2016 survey.
- 27% of women masturbate two to three times per week and 26% masturbate once a week, according to a 2019 study (2).
But masturbating isn’t just a sexual practice; there are also many health benefits to self-pleasing regularly. Masturbation can be a stress reliever, promote better sleep, and can even be used as a form of meditation. When we have an orgasm, we get a rush of oxytocin and endorphins that put us in a good mood and can even relieve some physical pain.
“I often say that you can’t be fully well without being sexually well,” Strgar writes. “[For example] we often don’t realize how closely correlated sexual satisfaction is with pain relief, but the cascade of hormones released in orgasm can diminish discomfort (1) caused by everything from sore joints to menstrual cramps to headaches.”
Despite all these positive benefits, there’s still something of a hush-hush when it comes to masturbation. But the more we talk about it, the more we can bust that archaic taboo. The truth is, there’s nothing at all embarrassing or shameful about treating yourself well and giving your body pleasure. It can, in fact, be a true act of self-care and a real ritual—involved, intentional, and luxurious.
To celebrate the magic of masturbation, we asked nine real women to describe their most indulgent self-pleasure rituals for when they really want to make a night of it. Here’s what they told us.
Why masturbating is good for you
So many women let their sexuality fall by the wayside, especially when they’re not in a relationship. But there are many benefits of masturbation, physically and mentally, and you shouldn’t have to rely on a partner to deliver the goods.
The hormones produced during orgasm (oxytocin and nitric oxide) are power players when it comes to maintaining hormonal balance, healing adrenal fatigue, and maintaining regular ovulation.
Here are just a few benefits of masturbation:
- Improved circulation: Orgasm boosts blood flow, which helps circulate vital nutrients and regulate your menstrual cycle. Studies show women who have intercourse at least once a week are more likely to menstruate normally than women who don’t do the deed often or at all.
- Regulated reproductive system: By energizing your hypothalamus gland, orgasms help regulate everything from your appetite to your emotions, and the subsequent boost to your pituitary regulates reproductive hormones necessary for regular ovulation and adequate cervical fluid production.
- Natural detoxification: Orgasms provide (3) an overall lymphatic massage to your body, which improves your digestion and mood and flushes out toxins.
- Healthy estrogen production: This keeps your vaginal tissues supple (4) and helps protect your bones and heart.
- Deep relaxation support: Virtually nothing makes you feel more at peace than the amped-up endorphins and cortisol flush you get from an orgasm.
- Brain boost: Orgasm spikes your body’s DHEA levels, which help keep your brain, skin, tissues, and immune system healthy.
- More youthful appearance: Research has shown that sex three times a week in a stress-free relationship can make you look a decade younger.
- Immunity support: Regular orgasms increase the amount of infection-fighting cells in your body by up to 20 percent.
- Increased pain tolerance: Orgasms kick your pain threshold up a notch, making it much easier to cope with life’s aches and pains.
- Interpersonal benefits: Thanks to increased oxytocin (5), orgasm can make you more passionate, intuitive, and social.
9 Women Describe Their Most Indulgent Self-Pleasure Rituals
1. Weekends are the perfect time to unwind with a good O.
“I like to sleep in and have my DIY time in the morning after a nice hot bath. This way, I’m well-rested, stress-free, and completely in the moment so that orgasms come a dime a dozen. I’ve found that this is the best way to punctuate a week well done and start the following week on a note of rest and relaxation.” —Samantha, 29
2. Lighting sets the mood.
“I’ve realized that light for me is a big factor (if the light is really bright in the room, I can’t connect to my sexuality as much). I’m also very visual. I can’t start feeling anything with just my imagination; I have to see something to start stimulating erotic emotion, so [I use] porn or even read erotica. Typically, I will light a candle daily regardless of whether or not that’s the plan for the night, so that’s also going on in the background.” —Jessica, 26
3. Self-pleasure is a special event to pull out all the stops for.
“Finishing work, I brush off the energy of the day dancing in the kitchen blaring the dubstep version of ‘Feeling Good’ doing my S-Factor hip circles, pretending that it’s the Divine Masculine Himself pouring me a glass of wine. I run a bath, use succulent oils and salts, have candles going, a waterproof vibrator, [and] bring the glass of wine. [And I] still have the X-mas red icicle lights up because cellulite is undetectable in red light!
“Sometimes I read my Goal Achievement Script of my life a year from now, really feeling how gloriously delicious things are in my future. Sometimes I read sacred erotic material—love David Deida’s Blue Truth. Sometimes I just sit in silence, visualizing how my yet-to-meet lover will talk, touch, and be there for me.
“I get off imagining my lover is watching me rub glorious oil all over my body, honoring my skin, my hair, my curves. A piece of dark chocolate slowly savored on the way to bed and perhaps one more slow, sensual dance by candlelight as I get into bed.” —Allana, 49
4. Porn and sexting are useful visual aids to get you going.
“I’m definitely [someone] who really enjoys pornography. So I try to find a video that reminds me of my boyfriend (ha-ha). Also, I love to masturbate and sext or sexy snap my boyfriend too. Especially being kind of long-distance, it keeps the romance alive. Also I almost always light my Himalayan salt lamp so my room glows pink.” —Sarah, 26
5. Masturbation can be a form of meditation in that it relaxes you and clears your mind.
“I don’t have a ritual for masturbation, per se, but it’s definitely something I try to do regularly as a way to relieve stress when I’m really wound up. I never really thought about this way until recently, but I think masturbation, for me, is similar to meditation, in that it’s something that helps me clear my head. I don’t really think about anything when I do it, not even sexual fantasies most of the time. I just kind of lose myself in the feeling and the release I feel afterward.” —Alexandra, 25
6. Pleasuring your senses can enhance your physical pleasure.
“For me, I need to completely relax and cleanse myself from all the negative energy around. There’s where I light my Glendora candle (perfectly balanced with wood sage, sea salt, and peonies), or Palo Santo stick, set a bath with my aromatic and ‘magical’ bath salts, take a sip off my CBD turmeric drink, and soak into the tub.
“I find that the total setting of switching off all outside energies and focusing on ‘me’ helps. And if you want a quick fix, I have this fantastic and fun vibrator that is shaped like mascara and great to carry with you or pull out when you need a little screaming ‘O.'” —Courtney, 40
7. Incense and essential oils can help you tap into your sexuality.
“I love burning sensual oud incense as a way to clear my space of any negative energy preventing me from being present for myself. I practice luxurious self-massage with nourishing oils and sensual essential oils like ylang-ylang and Palo Santo to promote a radiant connection within. I cherish Palo Santo because it is such a high-frequency essential oil, meaning it raises one’s vibration toward love and divine peace. […] For me, ylang-ylang frees my mind from its inhibitions and promotes sensations of pleasure and joy.” —Amanda, 35
8. Self-pleasure can feel even better with an audience.
“I’ve never been a fan of roses or candles. I am not a romantic. When it comes to my philosophy on pleasure, nothing is as important as the end result—an orgasm.
“It’s no secret that I have sex every day with my husband. (I literally wrote a book about it.) But when I say sex, people usually don’t instantly think masturbation. Self-pleasuring is popular on the menu at my house. My husband and I have actually started calling it ‘the usual’ because this is an easy method for a quick connection. Whether I let him watch or we service ourselves side-by-side, masturbation is an effective way to get exactly what I want—quick results.” —Caitlin, 33
9. The aftermath is also essential to your self-pleasure.
“I usually prefer to self-pleasure in the morning or midday since I have more energy at those times. For me, the initial act of pleasure is usually spontaneous, but the aftercare I try to keep consistent. After I have orgasmed, I first pee of course (to prevent UTIs) and then put on a skin care face mask for 10 minutes. Then I take a long, hot shower. The feelings after orgasm when by yourself can sometimes be confusing, so I find it’s important to have a self-care ritual for after masturbation as well.” —Annie, 31
How to enhance masturbation
1. Use the five C’s
There are five Cs to consider when you’re just getting familiar with your body: center, circle, clitoris, climax, and calm.
Set the mood and get centered with some relaxing music or mood lighting.
Then, spend 15 minutes circling the areas you’d normally go to for direct stimulation (nipples, areolae, and clitoris); instead, focus on your inner thighs, hips, abdomen, and upper chest.
Then take the time to build your orgasmic sensation by stimulating your inner labia and areas around your clitoris with your hands, and when you’re ready to climax, use your hands to get you there.
When it’s all said and done, take the time to feel the cortisol flush calm after you climax; this is called the resolution phase. Put one hand on your heart and the other on your belly, breathe, and relax.
2. Forego the vibrator every now and then
This may blow your mind, but just like you don’t need to rely on your partner for your orgasms, you don’t need to rely only on electronics either.
Some of you vibrator devotees may be shocked, but it’s true: Battery-operated toys shorten one of the most important phases of your orgasm—the plateau phase, cheating you of some monumental benefits.
Here’s why: Your orgasm isn’t just a one-dimensional shebang; it’s made up of several important phases including arousal, plateau, climax, and resolution. The longer the plateau, the more nitric oxide and oxytocin you build up in your body, and this is where the real hormone-balancing payoff is.
While your vibrator may send you straight to climax fast, it bypasses the beautiful benefits of a full orgasmic experience. Why cheat yourself of all that good stuff?
If the thought of abandoning your power tools leaves you anxious, trust me: You can get the big O on your own, and when you learn how to pleasure yourself manually, you’ll be on your way to reaping all the big-time benefits.
One vibrator technique to consider to get yourself still that extended buildup: Use it on the lightest setting over your panties.
This will protect your delicate clitoral nerve endings from overstimulation, ensuring you maximize that amazing orgasmic plateau every time.
3. Use lube
Always, always, always use lube during your dry phases (menstrual and follicular).
You may be less likely to need extra lubrication during ovulation and luteal phases if your hormones are healthy. These are also the times to really rely on your hand to get you to climax since more of those sex hormones are flowing.
Happy self-loving!
